Typically the phrase “here comes the sun” is associated with some sort of long-awaited happiness, but on True Blood
, “The Sun” brought nothing but the threat of impending doom. In a departure from last week’s gory premiere, we didn’t see too much straight action over in Bon Temps, but we did learn that the show’s supernatural entities (pretty much everyone but Jason and the Bellefleurs) are headed straight towards a sun that is actually more like a gas chamber.
In case the Holocaust metaphors had previously eluded you, Jess from Friday Night Lights
showed up to pretty much shove Martin Niemöller’s famous “First They Came…”
poem right down Sam (and the audience’s) throat — because as soon as Luna shifted on national television, the human versus vampire battle became everybody’s problem. The werewolves and shifters cannot hide in obscurity any longer if they wish to survive, but of course they all hate each other and
the vampires so that’s exactly what they’re trying to do. Sigh.
Last week we ranked True Blood
’s winners and losers from the top down, but since pretty much everyone had a bad time in “The Sun” we’re going to go the opposite route. You see, unlike the vampire-hating folks of Louisiana, we know how to change with the times. 1. The Human Edible
No contest here. In what was arguably one of the most disturbing kills in the show’s bloody history, Billith sucked the juice out of the poor human edible like she was a damn orange. Terrible. 2. Vampires in General
It was a pretty rough week for vampers, as Arliss Howard’s seemingly innocuous Governor Burrell has developed an arsenal of weapons specially designed to hunt them down. That little bullet that pierced Tara last week? Not so little after all. That bullet was actually a silver bullet that emitted ultraviolet light, leaving Tara in a world of pain (as per the usual). Eric eventually pulled it out, but something tells us that we’ll be seeing a lot more where that came from.
Then there’s Burrell’s latest piece of legislation, which swept away all of the vampire rights that had been earned during the era of True Blood (the beverage, not the show). If this legislation remains, that little vision of Bill’s should have no lasting consequences for the sick humans behind it — but more on that later. 3. Eric
With Sookie out of his life (for now), Eric is doing what so many millions of brokenhearted people throughout history have done to get over their exes — pursuing a new hobby. But instead of volunteering or buying a gym membership, Eric has chosen to singlehandedly win the war against humans. Hey — the heart wants what the heart wants.
Eric began his quest with a little trip to Governor Burrell’s mansion, earning his entry by posing as some poor nerd who had business with Burell at the wrong place during the wrong time. Sucks for him, but hearing the Viking badass say “no problemo!” — not to mention his see-through metaphor about the whooping crane — made his sacrifice well worth it.
Eric seemingly ended the night on a high note when he managed to grab hold of Burrell’s daughter, but given what we already know about Burrell, this could turn out very badly for him. (Please Eric — don’t be the death everyone is teasing!) 4. Billith and Jessica
Heavy is the head that wears the crown, Billith. Despite Eric’s wishes, Bill is the one who has been tasked with saving the vampire race — and being a floating vampire deity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Bill spent the majority of the episode in a seemingly Lilith-induced coma, internally chatting with her about the crappy events that are about to unfold. “It is the beginning of the end,” she said. “You must complete my work.”
Before Bill was knocked out he had a vision of vampire children being mercilessly dragged from a truck, and when this vision eventually came true, it didn’t bode well for Jessica, Tara, Eric, Pam, and pretty much everyone else on the show. You see, that wasn’t the only vision the newly psychic Bill had that day — he also saw all of his friends trapped in a room, burning to death under a UV light. Ouch. 5. Sam
Poor Sam. Can’t even get through a simple shift at his own bar without being harassed by Jess from Friday Night Lights
, who has apparently abandoned football in favor of a liberal student organization that hopes to bridge the gap between humans and the supernatural. Yeah. Good luck with that.
Jess — or as she’s known here, Nicole — seemed to know a whole lot about Sam, Luna, and Emma. She asked Sam to “come out” as a shifter, but of course he refused. What was happening to the vampires wasn’t his problem, he explained. Nicole, a walking embodiment of American liberal arts education, then likened Sam and the supes’ current predicament to the civil rights movement, which is kind of appropriate until you remember the fact that nobody ate each other during the civil rights movement. Basically, this all just reinforced the fact that college students are very annoying.
Finally, Sam got his you-know-what beat by Alcide and co., who took off with little Emma so she could be with her Grandma Martha. So now there’s that. 6. The Bellefleurs
What, you thought that whole thankless storyline with the Ifrit and Scott Foley was dead and buried? Not so fast, optimist. Patrick’s (Foley) previously unseen pregnant wife came a knockin’ this week, and Terry seemed to be more afraid of telling her the truth than death by fiery blaze. Thankfully, Arlene came forth to lie their way out of the problem. For now…
Meanwhile, over in Andy-land, his four fairy daughters have taken over and are aging like they live in the sped-up world from The Sims
. Ugh, fairies, emIright? 7. Jason
Speaking of fairies, Jason Stackhouse will never get to be one. The gene skipped him. But he seemed to enjoy spending some time with his “f***in’ fairy godfather,” so he had a pretty decent night compared to everybody else. 8. Grandpa Niall/(Warlow?)
It’s almost impossible to place this guy on the list since we still have no idea who he is, or what he wants. Also — conveniently — Grandpa Niall and Warlow have never been shown together. The show is making it pretty obvious that the two are somehow connected, but how and why we do not know. Maybe it’s a Fight Club
sort of thing, where Niall is the Ed Norton who envisions Warlow (Brad Pitt) doing all of these horrible things — blocking out the fact that it’s really him — but we’ll see. Either way he’s a pretty powerful dude, and he quickly wormed his way into Sookie's life which is no easy feat.9. Sookie
Though the biggest revelation about Sookie in “The Sun” was that she still holds a job at Merlotte’s, much of her action this week revolved around the introduction of a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. Because, really, does Sookie ever meet a stranger who isn’t ridiculously handsome? Lucky duck.
Anywho, Sook was on her way to work (late, of course) when she ran into a very handsome and very injured Halfling fairy on the side of the road. This handsome Halfling — Ben — claimed to have been attacked by a vampire (in the daylight?), so Sookie ditched yet another shift to nurse him back to health.
Ben healed pretty quickly, and Sookie sent him on his merry way to the impenetrable Fairy Club after some heavy flirting. She also got her fairy mojo back with some help from Grandpa Niall, so even with Warlow on her tail she had a relatively nice week. Good for her. 10. Governor Burrell
This dude is pretty much untouchable at this point. Invulnerable to glamouring (thanks to contacts, naturally), aligned with the makers of True Blood, and protected by an arsenal of anti-vampire weaponry, he’s winning this “war” with both hands tied behind his back. True, Eric has his daughter and Bill might be an ancient deity sent to lead the vampires to victory, but for now he’s sitting pretty at the top of the pack. Special Mention: Lafayette
Lafayette, again, was given almost no screen time. Same goes for Pam, and the show suffered without their much-needed zingers. But when we did catch up with Lafayette he was watching Chopped —
a truly wonderful television program — so let's just assume he had a good night until he got knocked out while protecting Emma.Readers, what did you think of the episode? Are you looking forward to the impending war, or looking back towards the earlier, simpler seasons of the show? Oh, and who do you think will die? Let us know in the comments!