Gentlemen, ladies who love other ladies, it's a sad day for us all. Ashton Kutcher proposed to Mila Kunis, and [brace yourselves] she said yes. The woman who is equal parts sex-bomb and girl-next-door is off the market thanks to the guy who replaced Charlie Sheen on Two & Half Men
. It's going to take a while for that to sink in, so we thought it best to let Mila walk you through it. It's not going to be easy, but it's a conversation you inevitably need to have. Good luck.
: Oh god, Mila, I can't believe what you're telling me. I think you're being hasty. We need to talk about this. Let me grab you a drink and we can talk about this.You
: You. Are. Perfection.You
: God, I love you so much. You
: So why the Dude Where's My Car
guy? Is it the sideways trucker hat and the yelling?! I can do the sideways trucker hat and the yelling if thats what you like. You
: How can I relax when I'm losing the girl of my dreams to a Steve Jobs wannabe? I thought we were meant to be together, soulmates?!You
: You're wrong; I swear! I GET you!You
: Well, clearly the Ashton thing is concerning, BUT I DON'T CARE! WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK!
: Yes! Who cares?! Let's run away together, leave Mr. Punk'd behind. We can be happy; I promise. That's what you're telling me, right? RIGHT?!You
: Oh god, don't do this. I'm going to be so lonely without you.You
: Yeah, but... wait, are... are you laughing?You
: But it doesn't have to be this way. I want YOU. Only you.You
: I don't even know what that means. Can we just go back to the beginning, to the way things used to be? You
: Yes, sure, I guess I can live with that arrangement while you explore this whole engagement thing with he-who-shall-not-be-named. But before you go, can you do that thing I love?You
: God, I'm going to miss you so much. Now if you'll excuse me while I weep into my favorite pillow.