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Things We've Learned from the Jack White GuacamoleGate Fiasco

First: Jack White "can't even make Kool-Aid."

Things We've Learned from the Jack White GuacamoleGate Fiasco
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In case you haven't been keeping up, here are the basics about the Jack White tour rider/guacamole scandal that's unfolding beautifully on the Internet — GuacamoleGate, if you will:

*Jack White is livid about the college newspaper The Oklahoma Daily publishing mundane demands from his tour rider ("no bananas") from a recent show on campus. The paper also revealed his $80,000 fee.

* The Internet is, in turn, having a field day with the information, especially because the rider included a recipe for guacamole that has very specific instructions about how to slice the avocado etc.

Things We've Learned from the Jack White GuacamoleGate Fiasco

*Jack White then released a lengthy statement Sunday about the ordeal, in which he revealed some fascinating gems about his kitchen skills (well, lack of) and more. Here's what we've learned from Mr. White's response:

  • 1

    Jack White can't cook. Anything.

    White wrote in the statement: "i can’t even make kool aid. let alone cook any real food enough to have a 'recipe'.  sorry, i dont have that talent." Hmm. Wonder how he does with cereal.

  • 2

    The guacamole recipe isn't his.

    So don't go making it then tell all of your friends it is the Jack White guacamole for the ages. He wrote: The guac recipe is “my hilarious tour managers inside joke with the local promoters, it’s his recipe, not mine...though i wouldn’t know because i’ve never had it.” 

  • 3

    Someone on his crew is allergic to bananas.

    Things We've Learned from the Jack White GuacamoleGate Fiasco

    Hence the "no bananas" in the rider. 

  • 4

    He's Not a Diva. really.

    This is what he's most passionate about in the statement — his concern for the people he works with, not his own petty demands. He wrote: “people WANT a rider to be a list of demands that a diva insists occur lest he or she refuse to play a note of music but in reality, it’s just some food and drinks backstage for the hundred workers and guests who have to live in a concrete bunker for 15 hours...what you’r looking for is someone throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get their brown m and m’s, sorry to dissappoint.”

  • 5

    He doesn't hate Oklahoma.

    Things We've Learned from the Jack White GuacamoleGate Fiasco

    Apparently there was a rumor going around that he'll never play in Oklahoma again after this. Not true.

    "Someone printed that i’m never going to oklahoma again? not true. i love oklahoma, that’s why i booked this show instead of playing chicago or atlanta for four times as much money. ask around in tulsa. i’ve been there at least three times on these last two albums. i love it there."

  • 6

    He can crochet?

    White ended his rant like this: "i think that’s everything, can i go back to making music now? no? ok. crochet it is."

    Sooo this means he can crochet but he can't dump sugar powder into water? It's all so confusing.

Read White's entire statement here.

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