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That Whole Mortality Thing

Republican Presidential Candidate Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) speaks at a Town Hall Meeting while on the campaign trail in the Toyota Arena August 12, 2008 in York, Pennsylvania. Over one thousand people attended the Town Hall. (Photo by William Thomas Cain/Getty Images North America)

According to the Greek calendar, every late night comedian, and simple logic, John McCain is really old. Seventy-two years old, in fact.

And here’s an unfortunately grim fact: Old people have a tendency to die. Like, a lot. According to a study conducted by the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, if you are over 65, you have a 5.6% chance of dying at any moment (most likely from heart disease or cancer). To put that into perspective, if you’re between the ages of 25 to 44, your chances of dying that year are .2%.

Getting old sucks, big time.

Many have speculated that the Commander in Chief job prematurely ages men. Take a look at pre-white house Clinton or Bush and post-white house. It’s got to be one of the most stressful jobs in the country and seems to be aging our presidents in dog years.

So what are John McCain’s chances of surviving a single term as president? McCain recently released his health records so I’m going to predict the hell out of the future. I didn’t exactly graduate from medicology school, but I’m smart like a motherfucker. So check it out.

McCain is 5-foot, 9-inches and weighs 163 lbs. That puts his body mass index at 24. Not so bad. Desirable range is between 22 to 24, according to science. His blood pressure is 134 over 84 which is a tad high considering ideal is around 115 over 75. His cholesterol is 192, thanks to cholesterol-lowering drugs (which may or may not have an adverse effect), which is comfortably below the 200 mark that starts to concern doctors. His triglycerides a high at 135. I have no idea what those are but I think they have to do with how your veins and arteries are holding up. McCain is a tough SOB though and kicked his stress test’s ass. For a mummy, he’s in pretty good shape. However, his father died of heart complications at 70, which does not bode well for either of them. McCain has had cancer 4 times – the second leading cause of death in white men over the age 65.

If a normal 65 year-old man’s chances of dying at any given moment are 5.6%. It’s safe to add at least 3 points per five years, putting him in the 7.2% range. Then add the stressful nature of the job and its built-in premature aging aspects and you’re at least at 10%. And that’s conservative.

Again, getting old sucks. Dying sucks even more. And if McCain doesn’t make it through a term, he leaves as his successor a woman who, two years ago, was Mayor of a town the size of junior college. In Alaska.

Gonna be an interesting election.

More photos of John McCain (and Sarah Palin):

U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain (R) looks on with new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as she stands with her daughters Piper (C) and Willow (L) August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin at a rally by presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain's at the Ervin J. Nutter Center August, 29, 2008, in Dayton, Ohio. McCain announced the governor as his vice presidential running mate at the rally. U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain's new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin speaks August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband Todd greet supporters at a campaign rally for presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain announced Gov. Palin as his vice presidential running mate at the rally. U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain (R-AZ) stands with new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain's new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin shakes hands with with husband Todd (2nd R) August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain (R-AZ) stands with new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. U.S. Senator and Republican presidential candidate John McCain (R-AZ) stands with new vice presidential candidate Alaska Governor Sarah Palin August 29, 2008 in Dayton, Ohio. McCain made the Palin announcement one day after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama accepted the Democratic presidential nomination in Denver. Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) speaks during a news conference at Central High School August 25, 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona. Sen. McCain made an appearance with Puerto Rican reggaeton musician Daddy Yankee. Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) speaks during a news conference at Central High School August 25, 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona. Sen. McCain made an appearance with Puerto Rican reggaeton musician Daddy Yankee. Students react to presumptive Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain's (R-AZ) announcement of his endorsement by Latin recording artist Daddy Yankee during a news conference at Central High School August 25, 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona. Sen. McCain made an appearance with Puerto Rican reggaeton musician Daddy Yankee. Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) listens to the Central High School choir sing during a news conference August 25, 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona. Sen. McCain made an appearance with Puerto Rican reggaeton musician Daddy Yankee. BIRMINGHAM, MI- AUGUST 13:  Cindy McCain listesns as her husband, presumptive republican presidential nominee, U.S. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) speaks at a press conference August 13, 2008 in Birmingham, Michigan. Cindy McCain had her arm put in a sling at William Beaumont Hspital in Royal Oak, Michigan after it was injured while campaigning. McCain along with Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) was in Michigan for fund-raising and campaign events. BIRMINGHAM, MI- AUGUST 13:  Cindy McCain listesns as her husband, presumptive republican presidential nominee, U.S. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) speaks at a press conference August 13, 2008 in Birmingham, Michigan. Cindy McCain had her arm put in a sling at William Beaumont Hspital in Royal Oak, Michigan after it was injured while campaigning. McCain along with Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) was in Michigan for fund-raising and campaign events. BIRMINGHAM, MI- AUGUST 13:  Presumptive republican presidential nominee, U.S. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) (L) speaks with the news media at a press conference as Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) listens August 13, 2008 in Birmingham, Michigan. McCain was in Michigan for fund-raising and campaign events. BIRMINGHAM, MI- AUGUST 13:  Presumptive republican presidential nominee, U.S. Senator John McCain (R-AZ) (L) speaks with the news media at a press conference as Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) listens August 13, 2008 in Birmingham, Michigan. McCain was in Michigan for fund-raising and campaign events.

Photos by Getty


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