Republican Presidential Candidate Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) speaks at a Town Hall Meeting while on the campaign trail in the Toyota Arena August 12, 2008 in York, Pennsylvania. Over one thousand people attended the Town Hall. (Photo by William Thomas Cain/Getty Images North America)
According to the Greek calendar, every late night comedian, and simple logic, John McCain is really old. Seventy-two years old, in fact.
And here’s an unfortunately grim fact: Old people have a tendency to die. Like, a lot. According to a study conducted by the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, if you are over 65, you have a 5.6% chance of dying at any moment (most likely from heart disease or cancer). To put that into perspective, if you’re between the ages of 25 to 44, your chances of dying that year are .2%.
Getting old sucks, big time.
Many have speculated that the Commander in Chief job prematurely ages men. Take a look at pre-white house Clinton or Bush and post-white house. It’s got to be one of the most stressful jobs in the country and seems to be aging our presidents in dog years.
So what are John McCain’s chances of surviving a single term as president? McCain recently released his health records so I’m going to predict the hell out of the future. I didn’t exactly graduate from medicology school, but I’m smart like a motherfucker. So check it out.
McCain is 5-foot, 9-inches and weighs 163 lbs. That puts his body mass index at 24. Not so bad. Desirable range is between 22 to 24, according to science. His blood pressure is 134 over 84 which is a tad high considering ideal is around 115 over 75. His cholesterol is 192, thanks to cholesterol-lowering drugs (which may or may not have an adverse effect), which is comfortably below the 200 mark that starts to concern doctors. His triglycerides a high at 135. I have no idea what those are but I think they have to do with how your veins and arteries are holding up. McCain is a tough SOB though and kicked his stress test’s ass. For a mummy, he’s in pretty good shape. However, his father died of heart complications at 70, which does not bode well for either of them. McCain has had cancer 4 times – the second leading cause of death in white men over the age 65.
If a normal 65 year-old man’s chances of dying at any given moment are 5.6%. It’s safe to add at least 3 points per five years, putting him in the 7.2% range. Then add the stressful nature of the job and its built-in premature aging aspects and you’re at least at 10%. And that’s conservative.
Again, getting old sucks. Dying sucks even more. And if McCain doesn’t make it through a term, he leaves as his successor a woman who, two years ago, was Mayor of a town the size of junior college. In Alaska.
Republican Presidential Candidate Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) speaks at a Town Hall Meeting while on the campaign trail in the Toyota Arena August 12, 2008 in York, Pennsylvania. Over one thousand people attended the Town Hall. (Photo by William Thomas Cain/Getty Images North America) 
