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Scandal 3.11: Power Rankings For 'Ride, Sally, Ride'


(ABC)

It’s been a while, folks, but we’re back in action! It’s time for Scandal! When we left off, Sally Langston (aka Ellis Grey) murdered her hubs, Cyrus covered it up and gave his hubs a job, Mellie put Liv on Fitz’s staff again, Huck pulled out some of Quinn’s teeth, and then Quinn bailed. Feel up to speed? We don’t, either, but here come the power rankings, ready for the barrage of “let’s hide Kerry Washington’s pregnancy” coats and briefcases.

1. James: Short but sweet: James secretly tapes his monster hubby Cyrus via a digital photo frame and turns over all the evidence to David Rosen. He is taking Cyrus DOWN, dammit.

2. Mellie: Mellie is trying to hold onto her spot on the presidency as tightly as she can, which means (as we saw before winter break) that she wants Olivia to be on staff again. This is a problem since Liv and Fitz are banging, and it becomes a bigger problem when Leo puts it on blast that Fitz hired his supposed mistress into the Oval. This time, Mellie handles it, setting up a public gal’s lunch and telling Liv they’re going to be besties from here on out. She also hands Liv a glass of wine (“we know how you like your wine”, she says, which, duh) and a list of D.C.’s most eligible bachelors. That Mellie, always with the power moves. Also, turns out Mellie and Andrew Nichols had a “thing” in the past. We’re sure this is going to work out well.

3. Leo Bergen: While debating on live TV, Leo calls Fitz out for possibly having more than one mistress. Uh, duh. He fingers Olivia again as Fitz’s bit on the side, and then he blackmails Cyrus because of his role in the Daniel murder cover-up. Leo’s owning it this week...sure, he’s playing kind of dirty, but have you seen his competitors? They’re as dirty as they come. In the end, Leo meets with Rowan, which can only mean terrifying things ahead.

4. Anonymous Blonde Reporter (Vanessa Chandler): Takes text tips about Daniel Douglas’ mysterious death from equally anonymous informant “Publius,” brings the lack of autopsy to the public light at a press conference, and follows up suitably. Great job, anonymous reporter!

5. Rowan: We have a new situation for Mr Eli/Rowan. He’s been replaced by Jake Ballard as the head of B-613, and now he’s the guy that sits on a park bench in front of the World War II Memorial. He tells Liv, “you are skipping around in a world full of bombs, thinking they are daisies,” which is brilliant and true. So Rowan goes off on a rant about how Fitz now has a very, very, very dangerous enemy. Because Rowan knows all his goddamn secrets, and one of those secrets is Liv herself. Daddy dearest tells Liv to run the hell away from the burning building she calls the White House because Fitz isn’t going to make it to the end of his term, not on Rowan’s watch. Well, okay then. Somehow we believe Rowan. We’re running.

6. Olivia: Olivia Pope has decided that it’s a great effing idea to accept the position of Fitz’s new campaign manager. Sure, the job comes with the perk of lots of making out, but UGH we hate Fitz and Olivia makeouts. I guess she’s going for what she wants, so...power move? Though we’re loathe to admit it. But later, Liv is totally owned by Mellie at the most hilariously fake lunch ever. Look, we love Liv and Mellie both, but Mellie kind of won that round. And although Olivia barked out a lot of orders this week, she didn’t really pull any power moves to top Mellie’s. She even tries to resign as campaign manager and gets manipulated into staying by Fitz. Say it again: UGH. However, the single guy Liv chooses to have a public relationship with to take the focus off of her and Fitz? Freakin’ Jake Ballard! Hell yes. Good choice, Liv.

7. Fitz: Spending more time sucking face with his campaign manager than handling the absolute meltdown that is Sally (I mean, Ellis Grey) announcing her run for president? Fitz, your inability to think with any other than your Little Fitz is why this stuff keeps happening. Get in control; you’re the freaking POTUS. That doesn’t include throwing temper tantrums laced with binge drinking at 11 AM (or maybe it does, hey, we’re not the president) and picking Andrew Nichols as your new VP. Ain’t nobody happy about another straight white guy in office.

8. Ellis Grey/Sally Langston: She has split from the President to run against him as an independent and boy, is Fitz’s camp mad. But besides that, Sally Langston says that she didn’t murder her husband. Well, who stabbed him to death, then, you ask? The devil snuck inside her because she had an abortion years ago. Yep, sounds plausible. Ellis Grey’s ground is shaky because you know, she’s crazy, and also because questions about her husband’s death are slowly trickling out. Sure, she made a power play for the presidency, but...she murdered someone.

9. Quinn: “Oh Charlie, while you convince Jake Ballard to let me join B613, honeybunches, I’ll just babysit for money in the meantime. Because that’s a normal alternative to being a killing machine. And yeah, maybe I’ll kidnap an innocent little boy, too. Great idea!” QUINN WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Look at your life, look at your choices.

10. Lauren: Poor Lauren. Fitz tells her to keep the door open, Liv tells her to close it, and Lauren is just a child stuck in the middle while mommy and daddy fight.

Are you satisfied with the return, Gladiators? James is going for the jugular and Mellie is right back where we left her, plotting and scheming her way to the top. After all, you can’t keep a good woman down. We’re going to go hide ourselves safely away from Rowan Pope, but we’ll see you here next week, same time, same network.
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