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Hand Model / Magician Patrick Albanese Sues Martha Stewart for Mangling a Finger

Martha Stewart in 2008 National Design Awards Gala
Martha Stewart attends the 2008 National Design Awards gala at Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum on October 23, 2008 in New York City. (Getty Images)more pics »Looks like Martha may be facing another run-in with the legal system. According to the Chicago Tribune, a man named Patrick Albanese is suing Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and Kmart Corp. because a Martha Stewart Everyday brand lounge chair fell on his hand, cutting off the tip of his finger. The real kicker is that Albanese is a hand model (and a magician). Apparently a relative had to go find the missing part of his finger under a deck, and then a surgeon reattached it.

The complaint: The chair was defective, and the companies should have warned users about this possibility. They should have designed and inspected it better.

Interestingly, the accident hasn't really affected Albanese's modeling work; it's his magic that is struggling. He has served as the master of ceremonies for Hollywood's Magic Castle for the past 15 years, but due to the injury, he's having trouble with his slight of hand tricks.

Martha and company haven't commented, but if Albanese prevails, he might not need to pull any more magic tricks for a while.

You can check out his Website here, which provides some information about his work as a magician, his hobbies and some rants on general culture. I'll go ahead and offer a choice quote from one of the latter:

Here are some of the changes we can look forward to if we put women in charge of everything:

  • The Pledge of Allegiance will be changed to the Lemon Pledge of Allegiance. Cleanliness and hygiene will be top priorities in the new world, and we must protect the children from all bad things. Since the daily forgiveness hour will eliminate all ill feelings between humans, germs will be the only enemy.
  • Every Wednesday is gossip day. Cell phone companies will have to give unlimited free talk time for every citizen to complain about everyone and everything. The daily forgiveness hour will make all the bad feelings go away later.
  • Parallel parking will be outlawed. Parking spots will be redesigned so that you can pull straight in, through and out. No more pesky backing up. Reverse gear will be removed from all vehicles. In order to curtail road rage, only two cars will be allowed on a freeway at any given time. Fake daisy air fresheners will be mandatory in every car, which will be a Prius.
  • Any crime committed under the influence of PMS will be pardoned. All female juries will see to that. If science advances enough so that men can experience PMS, they will be forced to have it thirty days a month, but their crimes will still be punished, because they don't know what it's REALLY like to be female.
  • Clothing manufacturers will only be able to make one outfit from any pattern in order to eliminate the embarrassment of showing up in public wearing the same dress. Pants that make you look fat will be a thing of the past. Height and weight charts will be abolished and bikinis burned.
  • Women who work out will be locked up and fed fatty foods till they gain weight. Since the thin, hot chicks make the others feel bad, it will be easier to plump them up than to get fatty on a treadmill. This way, all women will be equal. Which is the nice thing to do.
Chances are Albanese doesn't have much respect for Martha's business authority.
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