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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Can You Tell What My Botox Face Is Saying?


Photo: BRAVO

I don't know how much this gym in New Jersey the housewives are frequenting paid to be the newest, most drama-filled cast member, but however much it was — it was not enough. The big takeaway this week was that all the ladies do, in fact, work their bodies and their mouths. And yes, the gym in question has advanced me $5. This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was aptly titled "Gym Rats" and if at this point you don't know why… start again at the beginning of this article.

Outside of the gym, the Manzo clan makes a mouthwatering meatball, Melissa's writing a book, the Wakiles throw a joint birthday bash for 19-year-old Victoria and 50-going-on-19-year-old Richie, but alas, most of this week's action takes place around dumb-belles, and dumbbells, discussing — what else? — the Gorga-Giudice fued.

This week's winner: Joey Gorga and his Rocky/Rain Man moment. When Teresa confronts her brother at the gym, Joey Gorga throws down. Not only does he defend himself, his wife, his family, and his manhood eloquently, he also houses his rage after Teresa lies to him and then douses him in her water. Good for Joey for taking it out not on Teresa but on the bench press. (Or at least what I think is a bench press.) He lets out his steam and his frustration muttering, "It's OK when Teresa does it…. IT'S OK WHEN IT'S HER" to anyone that will listen. In this case, that would be the inanimate 60+ pound weight that he's holding… and all of America tonight.

I love that he sticks up for his family and his family values. What makes him a double winner in my book? "When I'm home, I treat my wife like a queen… that way my boys see that and they know how to treat women." Joey Gorga, if only your boys were 20 years older. Well done.

This week's loser: Rosie… Get it together lady! I appreciate a woman with a flask on a party bus as much as the next person, but there is nothing worse than someone who can't hold their liquor. I'm not really sure what you were yelling about at your niece's 19th birthday party, but it was about as appropriate as your mullet haircut, i.e. totally not okay. There was yelling, there was cursing… there were a lot of hand movements. The bird was flipped a number of times, there was the old school under the neck flick, and my personal favorite/Rosie's all-time low: "Take it up the a** Teresa" with the accompanying sign language of the same meaning... to a Teresa that wasn't present.

What else happened: Melissa cries a lot about being unsure about how much of her personal life she wants to share in her book that she's inherently sharing ON NATIONAL TV within the context of not wanting to share said information. I'm sorry — does she not realize that when debating what to put in her book is being taped by BRAVO, the sentence "I don't know if I want the world to know that I had a dad that cheats" is already dead in the water? Why are we taking this seriously? Melissa, how many people do you think will be buying the book versus watching you talk about what you won't put in the book primetime on Sunday evenings?

Caroline was relatively quiet this week and Jacqueline did some working out. She basically just has a trainer who really tries to get Jacqueline to focus on her triceps, but all she seems to be able to focus on is Teresa.

Finally, for the take away line of the evening: "My botox face is making a mad face, you just can't tell" - Jacqueline Laurita. That's my kind of 'mad face.'

What did you think of tonight's episode? Have you already signed up for a new membership at that gym? If so, can you please say I referred you? I'm hoping to score a skull cap from the Gorga collection. 

View Melissa Gorga Pictures »
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