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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap and Predictions for Season 5


(Bravo)

Summer TV is here and with it an all new train wreck season of the girls — nay, housewives — of America's armpit: New Jersey. It's year 5 for the ladies who've made a name for themselves via table flipping, tomato sauce, and tax evasion, and this season promises not to disappoint. I could not be more excited for The Real Housewives of New Jersey season 5.

For those of you like me who are obsessed with the going ons of the middle aged NJ set, you know where we left off last season. For those of you with more active social lives… let's recap.

At the end of season 4, Teresa Giudice was put on blast… by seemingly everyone. Caroline was offended by what Teresa said about her kids in her cookbook. Jacqueline and Teresa's relationship also fell apart, mainly due to the controversy as to whether or not Teresa leaked her sister-in-law Melissa's possible past as a stripper. Needless to say, that did not bode well for the already tumultuous relationship Teresa and Melissa have. Kathy and Teresa were on the outs as well, and even Teresa's husband Joe, who usually has her back, is suspected of multiple extra marital affairs. All the while, the show's main source of drama still stems from the broken down Giudice-Gorga family, which seems to be a never-ending source of chaos that knows no boundaries — be it baptisms, book signings, or at the Brownstone. In short, the reunion was not an easy one for the Fabulicious Giudice.

Tonight we're back for Season 5, which starts off slowly with "A Garden State of Emergency". After a quick tribute to Hurricane Sandy, we jump into a disaster the housewives are more concerned with: Will Teresa's and her brother Joey Gorga's relationship ever mend?


Jacqueline Laurita is this episode's breakout star because she FINALLY shows up to work with a personality! Choice Jacqueline quote of the night: "I am so tired of hearing about the Giudice-Gorga family drama. It's right up there on my priority list as bleaching my a**hole". (Word, however, is still out on how frequently or infrequently she bleaches the region.)

Apparently the Giudice-Gorga families have not seen each other for a year, and the kids — namely Antonia Gorga and Melania Giudice  — have had enough. Six year olds have figured out how to act like adults before Teresa and Melissa and are forcing the issue via a play date that Teresa and Melissa can't seem to coordinate. Luckily, Teresa's 11-year-old daughter sets it up for her, texting from Teresa's phone. Now that we know who's really behind Teresa's more intelligent texts, everything else Teresa's done finally makes sense.

Meanwhile, in Kathy's household, her lesbian sister Rosie is looking for love… so long as it is with a "hot blonde with a killer smile" as she is "not looking for any stray dogs" after she went on an e-date with someone who misrepresented themselves. No Tea, No Shade.. but Rosie.. how do you describe yourself exactly?

Caroline is still trying to play mother hen, and has the audience of Joey Gorga now that her sons have flown the coop. So basically, things are pretty much the same as where we left them. Now for the fun part… lets predict what might be coming up for the housewives this season.

Drum roll please...

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 1: There will be blood. Temperatures are rising, Joe Giudice's arms are looking bigger, and I'm pretty sure I saw a syringe on the floor of that garage he's always hanging out in. [I kid]. I think things will finally come to a head between the two Joes… a.k.a. someone will get hit in the head. Who would you put your money on, Joey Gorga or Joe Giudice?

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 2:
Jacqueline is going to let her freak flag fly! No longer the shrinking violet, I think she is going to take center stage!

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 3: There will be break-ups. I foresee a possible Manzo separation. Rumor has it, things are not all fine and well at the Brownstone. Word on the street is Al Manzo may be cheating, and while Caroline stands by her family… If that's true, I don't see her letting that one slide. Will this 'family' couple be able to survive the empty nest? [Caroline if you're reading this… I will still date your son Albie]

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 4: The Catholic Church strikes again! Apparently the Giudice-Gorga children have yet another religious rite of passage coming up, and both Teresa and Melissa have picked the same day to throw a party. This has the recipe for disaster and prediction number 1 written ALL over it.

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 5: Rosie will stay single.

RHONJ SEASON 5 PREDICTION 6: The Giudice-Gorga drama will finally find resolve and be replaced by something equally as frivolous that we will love to watch the ladies fight about.

All jokes aside, I think things are really going to heat up this season because, as Jacqueline said best, how much longer can we beat the Giudice-Gorga dead horse? What do you think RHONJ Season 5 will hold… and who do you think will come out on top? Hit the comments below with your own predictions!

All Photos: BRAVO

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