Daenerys Targaryen (HBO)
After enduring the shocking heartbreak of last week's Red Wedding, this Sunday's episode didn't leave us much time to mourn. It's the finale, after all, and we still have a million
storylines to catch up on. Life goes on in Westeros — besides the dastardly Freys, the realm still has to deal with ice zombies, religious zealots, bratty teenagers, and the Boltons (something genetically horrifying is obviously in that bloodline). The season finale gave us a smörgåsbord of goodness to feast on, preparing us, as always, for the long days we must wait between now and next season's premiere. Check out the top moments from "Mhysa" below:1. The horrors of the Red Wedding spill into the early morning hours.
Frey's men have been busy massacring the loyal Stark soldiers all night long. Arya and Sandor Clegane witness the tail end of the whacking, stabbing, and slashing as they ride out of the camp. The scene is just moderately terrible (on the Game of Thrones
scale of horrible things we wish we could un-see) when, all of sudden, something ridiculously repulsive happens. A few sick, twisted, and surprisingly resourceful soldiers sew Robb's direwolf's head onto Robb's decapitated body. They parade the wretched thing on horseback through the camp to cries of "King of the North!" If this doesn't make your stomach turn, you're not human. (Or it means you're on Team Frey.)2. Bran tells a very timely ghost story.
Bran and the rest of his entourage set up camp at the Night Fort, an abandoned Night's Watch station along the Wall. While everyone gets settled, Bran suddenly gets the urge to tell a ghost story. It's not that great of a story — the gist is that some chef once cooked and served human flesh, Hannibal-style — but the moral
is super relevant to Westeros: If you cook, kill, or maim a protected guest under your roof, the gods will turn you into a rat. Or be super pissed. According to Bran, violating guest rights is the one thing the gods can never forgive. Hmm... Real subtle, Game of Thrones
. Tyrion Lannister, Shae, and Sansa Stark (HBO)3. News of the Red Wedding reaches King's Landing.
Joffrey is predictably thrilled about Robb Stark's death, even going so far as to "joke" about serving Sansa her brother's head at his upcoming wedding. Tywin and Cersei are much more dignified in their enthusiasm, leaving only Tyrion to see the true horror of the Red Wedding betrayal. He tells his father that, "The Northerners will never forget", but Tywin's not too bothered. Even though he helped orchestrate the whole wretched affair, he knows that Walder Frey is the one who will take the blame. Tyrion leaves his father to break the news to Sansa, but fortunately for him, someone else already told her. To her credit, she seems to be dealing with the news pretty well, staring out a window and dabbing at a couple of ladylike tears. 4. "She comes at you — big words, no clothes. What would you have done?"
It certainly doesn't pay to be a bastard of Robert Baratheon. After enduring a bizarre session of seductive leeching with Melisandre, Gendry finds himself locked him a dungeon. Davos Seaworth, the Onion Knight, comes to visit him, but Gendry is at first suspicious. That is, until he discovers that Davos is a Flea Bottom kid just like himself. The two bond, and Davos realizes he'll do anything to protect the boy from Melisandre's weird, evil clutches. Just in time too: Melisandre convinces Stannis that the only way to repay the Lord of Light for killing Robb Stark (oh yeah, the Lord of Light did that) is to make a "big sacrifice". What's a heftier sacrifice than a king's bastard? Luckily for Gendry, Davos smuggles him away on a tiny boat and points
him in the direction of King's Landing. Theon Greyjoy (HBO)5. Introducing Ramsey Snow and Reek.
Thanks to a few lines of dialogue between the traitorous Roose Bolton and the equally despicable Walder Frey, we discover that Theon's nameless torturer is Ramsey, Bolton's bastard son. Ramsey was supposed to simply seize Winterfell from Theon, but as his father explains, "Ramsey does things differently." Yeah, that's one way to put it. Ramsey spends this episode putting his unique spin on events by taunting the freshly castrated Theon. He reasons that Theon now less than a man, so he needs a new name to reflect his pitiable state. Theon tries to fight it, but eventually gives in and accepts that he is now Reek. While Reek begs to be put out of his misery, his father and sister receive a letter detailing Ramsey's terms: All of the Ironborn must leave the North, or more parts of Theon will continue to get whacked off. Theon's dad, Balon Greyjoy, couldn't care less about his "no longer a man" son, but Yara stands up for her little brother and organizes a rescue mission.6. Sam and Gilly actually get somewhere.
Okay, so this was a big episode for slow-moving Sam and Gilly. The couple (plus Gilly's newborn son) first run into Bran and his friends at the Night Fort. Sam adorably identifies Bran, thanks to the direwolf and the "Hodoring" Hodor, and he claims that he would do anything to help a brother of Jon Snow. Well, anything but go back Beyond the Wall, which is exactly what Bran needs
to do (Always, always do what three-eyed ravens tell you to do). They part ways, and Sam and Gilly very quickly arrive at Castle Black. Ygritte (HBO)7. Breaking up (with wildling girls) is hard to do.
Last week Jon Snow ditched his wildling buddies, including his fiery girlfriend, Ygritte. Well, as expected, Ygritte is not amused. She tracks down Jon and aims one of her arrows at him. Jon tries his best to diffuse the situation, assuring her that he really loves her even though he's still loyal to the Night's Watch. He claims he knows that Ygritte loves him too and that she wouldn't hurt him. Big mistake, Jon. Ygritte fires an arrow into Jon's torso, and as Jon makes an awkward escape, she shoots him two more times. Somehow, Jon (but more likely Jon's horse) manages to get back to Castle Black. As he collapses on the ground, he's greeted by two familiar and concerned faces: Pip and Sam. 8. Varys believes Tyrion is The One.
Mysterious Varys has only the interests of the realm at heart. Apparently, he's done an assessment of King's Landing and come to the solution that only Tyrion has the right name and the right brain to save the crown — if anyone can. The problem? Shae. The former camp follower and Tyrion have a real relationship, and Varys worries that real feelings will just dilute Tyrion's ability to save the day. Varys attempts to kindly send off Shae, but Shae's not having any of it. She still loves Tyrion, and as bizarre as the situation is, she's also intensely loyal to Tyrion's new wife, Sansa. 9. Jaime and Cersei are all set for an incestuous Season 4.
Fans of incest, rejoice! After a harrowing Season 3, Jaime and his escort Brienne finally arrive in King's Landing. First stop for Jaime? Cersei's suite, of course. He seriously doesn't even shower or change or set his amputated arm at a less off-putting angle. When he walks in, Jaime simply says his sister's name. The long, silent look the two share is powerful, no matter how disgusting you (rightfully) think incest is.Daenerys, Daario Naharis, Missendei, Ser Jorah, Ser Barristan, and Drogon (HBO)10. Daenerys Targaryen is the Mother of PR.
Fresh off her victory over Yunkai, Dany gathers her loyal troops outside the city's walls. See even though she's won the battle, she has no idea if the people of Yunkai will view her as an oppressor or a liberator. Translator Missendei begins to make a case for the latter when Dany interrupts her. She does her Dany thing, telling the former slaves how much she likes them and how only they can take back their freedom. While her words are persuasive, the Yunkai people are probably more swayed by her pretty blond hair, nice blue dress, and big, bad-ass dragons. They all simultaneously start chanting "Mhysa" (which is suspicious — they had
to have discussed this earlier, right?) and Missendei tells Dany the word means mother. Obviously touched, the Mother of Dragons moves past her guards to be a mother to her new people. She does a bit of impressive crowd surfing while her dragons soar triumphantly in the sky above her. Next stop, Westeros? We can only hope. And that's all, folks — Season 3 of Game of Thrones is officially over! Were you impressed? Thrilled? Horrified? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!