Welcome to 2018, when Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are besties, reality TV stars are presidents, and everything is generally upside down. The newest addition to this list of puzzlers is that Colton Underwood is the new Bachelor and that Wills Reid is not. As Zimbio reported in an article aptly titled "Colton Underwood Is The Next Bachelor Because Apparently 'The Bachelor' Producers Hate Us," ABC made the announcement on Tuesday, Sept. 4. The 26-year-old Indianapolis native is best known for making the final four on Becca Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette. He's also a virgin, which I am so ready to stop talking about.
ABC was reportedly considering Jason Tartick, Blake Horstmann, and Wills Reid for the honor, and let's be honest: The network has made a huge, man child-shaped mistake.
It's not that I particularly dislike Underwood, it's that I...
1. ... have seen enough of him
The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, AND The Bachelor? It's a new Bachelor Nation record and Underwood is the real MVP.
2. ... don't like how he handled the Tia situation
During Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette, Kufrin was temporarily caught in a love triangle with her friend, Tia Booth, and Underwood. Underwood informed Kufrin he had briefly dated Booth before appearing on her season. Booth confirmed their relationship was a dalliance and nothing more. Time went on and Underwood made it to Kufrin's final four, when Booth finally admitted to Kufrin she still had feelings for Underwood. Shortly thereafter, Underwood was sent home.
Cut to a few weeks later when Underwood showed up on Bachelor in Paradise. He was immediately shamed into committing to Booth by his fellow paradise-goers. While Booth was hopeful, it seemed clear Underwood was not as into her as she was into him. Behind the scenes, Underwood was waiting on ABC to let him know if he'd get his own season of The Bachelor. Meanwhile, Booth was regularly teary-eyed and trying her best with a man who never intended to stay with her.
Eventually — presumably when Underwood got the confirmation — he told Booth "it" just wasn't there with her. He jetted home to start his own Bachelor journey and left a devastated Booth in the dust... or sand, rather.
Not cool, man. Not cool.
Of course, Booth was a sweetheart about it.
He does NOT deserve more puppies, Tia. He does NOT.
3. ... don't think being a virgin qualifies you to be one of TV's most watched personalities
But I do think that's why the season was handed to him.
To be honest, Underwood is not a standout for any other reason. He didn't make it past Kufrin's final four, he didn't have a particularly compelling personality, but he did have his v-card — something none of the previous Bachelors had when they began their search for reality TV love. It seems clear to me that's why he was chosen and, meh, I don't love the implications there.
4. ... love the heck out of Wills
Wills Reid, who was also on Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette, was consistently sweet, charming, smart, and funny. He related to Kufrin's Harry Potter obsession, dressed incredibly well without being snobby, stayed honest throughout his whole Bachelor journey, and didn't seem to have a mean bone in his body.
When he left Bachelor in Paradise, he didn't seem surprised. Like many people, finding love has been hard for him and he never tried to shield that. In the end, isn't that sort of soul-bearing honesty and raw documentation exactly what The Bachelor is about?
5. ... completely agree with these tweets on the matter: